The first time I saw a golden shower in porn, I thought it absolutely disgusting. The idea of someone pissing on you (and god forbid if it’s in your mouth) was absolutely horrendous to me. But beyond my horror was intrigue. *What does it taste like?* *Will you smell like piss?* *Is humiliation a turn on?* *How many women enjoy it?*
The night I decided I wanted it, I begged for it.
It was late at night. My partner and I were laying in bed, talking about our future. It had gotten emotional. We were unsure of what our future held, and to what extent we would be in each other’s lives. We were both in tears when the mood began to shift. One moment we were laying quietly side by side, the next he was on top of me. He held my legs up, placed them on his shoulders, and found my entrance with his cock. My heart skipped a beat – this position usually meant that it was going to be intense. Though I know he’d never hurt me, deep penetration can be slightly nerve-wrecking. He pushed in slowly, gauging my reaction. I was already wet. He inched further and further in, and my breathing became shaky as I stretched and adjusted to fit him. Taking a moment to enjoy my tightness, he groans. I squeezed him as hard as I could with my pussy, letting him know I was there with him. Then he moved.
Like a car engine, revving up, he hit what felt like the back of my wall faster and faster. I moan at the intensity of it. With my legs this far back, I am struggling to relax. Sex is as much of a physical fuck as it is a mental fuck. At times like these, I know it’s my fear of letting go that restrains me from feeling pleasure. The only way to enjoy myself is to surrender. My mind is processing this as my body is egging my mind to let go, and I do. I gave myself permission to enjoy getting fucked. To enjoy being dominated. And to embrace being vulnerable and open. I’ve learned that it takes more power and strength to surrender than to resist surrendering.
I am in nirvana when my mind goes blank – when I can think of nothing else but feel the sensation of getting fucked. I cling onto the bedsheets, hoping something can help anchor me. “You belong to me, you understand?” he says. “My pussy belongs to you”, I echoed, my voice coming out whiny and breathless. “No. You belong to me, Alexa. All of you.” He fucks me harder to make his message clear. In the past, this would be a no-go for me. But knowing this man, and having been through everything we’ve been through, makes this different. He was not a controlling psycho that I would ever feel unsafe with. While we were dominant and submissive in bed, we were equal partners outside of the bedroom. This man has had my back since day one. I feel safe and loved, and turned on as fuck. “I’m yours; I’m yours”, I moaned. It felt good to say it. I liked the idea of belonging to him. To be owned. Collared. And dominated in all ways, because he deserves this kind of loyalty, and fuck, I deserve someone who loves and treasures me the way he does. The bubble of rough sex we were in from mental and physical domination was thick in the air.
He fucked me for several more hours but I frankly do not recall all of it – it was so intense it had become a blur. But I do remember laying down next to one another after, in bed. We were both worn out and exhausted from fucking so much when I desperately wanted to be marked. “Will you piss on me?” I asked nervously. I never thought I would spill out my secret desire to anyone, let alone actually make the request, but here I was. Naked in bed, vulnerable, and wanting piss on my body. He stood up, grabbed my hand, and walked me in the bathroom. I sat in the tub as we looked at each other. His eyes were twinkling with warmth as he looked at me with a small smile. He stroked his dick until I felt a warm stream running down my neck, chest, pussy, and legs. I reveled in it the whole time. It felt so good to have his piss all over me like some sort of brand. When he was done, he sat on top of the toilet as we looked at one another. We were both smiling as I felt a glow coming from within me. It felt like I was meant to do this. The moment we shared, as I was sitting in the tub with piss all over me, was filled with warmth, love and mutual trust. I won’t ever forget it.
