In the previous year, I’ve allowed the pressures and demands of daily life accumulate like dust on a shelf, masking my spirit and hindering my persona. Craving some adrenaline and stimulation, one Thursday afternoon I causally waltzed into the bathroom and did something to myself that I had been fantasizing about for a long time. I reached into the medicine cabinet, grabbed a shiny pair of sheers and chopped off most of my hair. After throwing the 8-inch strands into the trash—strands I had cared for and been recognized with for over 25 years—I nonchalantly took the dog for a walk and went about my day with ease. It was both liberating and exciting to feel cleansed and reset, and honestly, I wish I had done it sooner. This abrupt, and some would say, drastic alteration of my appearance triggered a lot more commentary and concern than I was prepared for. My mom asked if I was getting divorced, some of my neighbors swooned over the new do and asked where I had it done, and I even had a friend ask if I was unveiling some closeted bisexuality. I understand that pixie cuts on women often carry the stigma of being queer, but that wasn’t the case here. I wasn’t seeking approval from anyone, and I didn’t do this for attention—it was strictly for me. One thing on my long list of high maintenance female tasks that I could put aside. Sometimes an inevitable monotony can set into life. We tend to look outward for stimulation when there’s so much of ourselves that we can reinvent. The simple act of cutting my hair helped me discover that there were still little areas of newness to unveil within myself. It gave me confidence that I took control of my image.
People get hung up on physical identities and stereotypes. There’s expectations to look a certain way, and for women, the upkeep of their image is the most demanding. Physical appearance is often conditioned, it’s shaped for us through our interactions, cultural environments, and even sexualities. Not what, but how we perceive can form the basis of a whole chain of meaningful interactions. Are we strictly creatures of habit, or is self-expression constantly evolving?
I believe habit is strong, but willpower and curiosity are stronger. If there is one thing I’ve never regretted doing throughout my life, it’s exploring—within myself and in my relationships. Whether married, actively dating, or happily single, I think it’s important to stay true to yourself and not pigeonhole your identity strictly according to the expectations of others. Experimentation is necessary to some degree for every single human being. It’s not only ok to break the mold, but also fundamental for our health to step outside of our comfort zone, test the boundaries, and alter our reflections. If not now, maybe next week, next month, or even next year try to answer any inner callings you may have buried inside. It may not involve a pair of scissors, but it will be completely your own. Maybe it’s something social, like shedding a toxic friendship or wanting to navigate your sexuality with your current partner, or even finding a new one.